Wistful

I write this latest entry from my throne in Swallow Robin lounge. If you can't read between the lines in that last one, I'll spell it out: I'm back at Taylor. Being back at school means a lot of new experiences and people. There have been a variety of new freshman showing up, and I'm working through my new responsibilities as the theater's master electrician. With greeting all this new challenges comes an interesting opposite, however. What I'm talking about is saying good-bye.

Why do we romanticize leaving so much?

Like I've said before, I'm not a big movie guy. I do, however, know enough about movie cliches to point to all those moody romantic movies that invariably have a scene were someone is either walking away and causing tension and angst, or someone is walking away with serious hope and a new found sense of purpose. While I realize that only little kids and autistic monkeys might think their lives will end up like movies, I also feel that we try to create such emotion in our good-byes.

I worked at a camp in New York all summer. I met a lot of great people out there. And then I had to go back to school. Thus I had to go through the long process of saying good-bye to as many of my friends as I could. A midst all the hands shakes and hugs and general good feeling, I couldn't help but feel that you never see anything like this in a movie. My good-bye sequence didn't have the same emotional weight that you can get on film. It wasn't that I didn't care about my friends as much as some fictitious floozy from a New York fashion industry, but that I wasn't trying to impress anyone with any emotional response. When we say good-bye, we do it to communicate to each specific person that they are important, and we want to leave on the right foot.

I think that this romanticized view that we get can often hamper our relationships. We get caught up in the idea that our farewell has to be some heart rending process that we sometimes forget to even see some people. I know that there were people who left before me, and I also knew that I saw very few of them to say good-bye, even though they had been a friend while working. I'm not saying that they hate me, just that they may have gotten so caught up in a proper good-bye to others that I slipped through the cracks.

I also believe that our flair for the dramatic is also an issue. I'm a theater guy, so I know what it means to be dramatic, and I've seen some very good actors in my short run. With that, I feel that I have seen some of the same type of acting in how people say good-bye. They want to make the best impact they can. Whether it is an unexpected going away present, the perfect sentimental words, or a meaningful kiss on the cheek (wanted or otherwise), we try so hard to make an point in our good-bye. I feel that this mentality can trivialize a friendship somewhat, that you don't think your friendship with the other person is all that they need, that they need some movie style farewell to really call you their peer.

Lastly, all the crying is an issue with me. My mom cried when I went off to college, I cried when I left my parents of my mission trip in Australia back in eighth grade. People cry when the move, when a boyfriend or girlfriend leaves, or just when there is something new that they have to leave for. We get so sad over having to leave. When I left camp, I was excited to get back to school. Sure I was going to miss people, but I can't say I was sad. when one of my friends was leaving (he came to see me) I told him that we have at least one more guaranteed time that we will see each other. That's the beauty of being a Christian. When we die, there will be a gathering of us all in heaven. We will see each other again and never have to worry about good-bye. That is a hope I live with. The German's have a term, auf wiedershen, meaning "until we see each other again." I have always liked that phrasing more. Good-bye sometimes seems hopeless, but auf wiedershen is a term that means you both have hope for seeing someone, and a desire to as well.

I don't mind the celebration, however, when i don't have to see certain people again.

Just something to chew on.

A Score to Settle

I've never been a big movie guy. I like some, but all in all, I'm not a huge fan. I do have friends, however, who are major movie addicts. I think, actually, that a great portion of people are really into movies of late. With that, I've noticed an trend in how people appreciate movies away from the silver screen. I have a bit of an issue with this latest trend.

I don't get why people like movie soundtracks.

I suppose what I mean by that is the score of a movie rather than that crappy CD that gets released with unrelated pop music slapped on it. What I'm talking about are the orchestral pieces by guys like Hans Zimmer (Inception, The Dark Knight), Michael Giacchino (Mission Impossible, The Incredibles), and Atticus Ross (The Book of Eli, The Social Network). These are those dramatic, mood-setting works that usually play in the background of pivotal scenes.

Let me start by saying that I am not criticizing the music itself. These composers are very good, they create works that really add to the movie. The performers are phenomenal on their instruments. And of course, the sound guys do great work in their editing and perfecting. There is loads of talent in these scores, no one can deny that.

Here's the thing about scores. They are meant to add to the movie by subtly creating a feeling. The dark and dramatic battle music could create some excitement, the light, airy castle music sets a care free mood, the soft, mysterious theme of a villain adds to their presence. All of these are background music, however. The action by actors and other visual elements are the real draw. The ironic thing about scores are, if they are good, then you shouldn't notice them, but if they are bad, then they stick out like a sore thumb.

I don't see the draw in listening to the scores separately. I have in my possession the scores from Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Transformers. I already covered the talent behind them, so with that said, there not that special. I usually skip over them if they show up on shuffle. If I want to listen to some orchestra music, I have enough classical music to last me for a long while. I also think that my classical is better than these scores. Scores aren't meant to stand alone, that is my conclusion.

I do, however, differentiate between scores and theme songs. If you start humming the Star Wars theme, or the Indiana Jones theme, other people know these songs. They are incredibly memorable. That is something that I think is lost on many of the new soundtracks that play. There are a few songs here and there that people recognize, but nothing that is as iconic as some of these older ones. To me, so many of the different pieces sound the same, or at least incredibly similar. Certain sounds and combinations create feelings and emotions, so it isn't surprising that common elements are used in many scores, but I do believe that with some risk taking, composers can find new ways to create the same feelings in interesting and exciting ways.

On the other hand, Daft Punk had an awesome soundtrack for Tron.

Just something to chew on.

Worthless

Praise music is a big deal many Churches and groups out there. I know there have been fights in my church over the music and what we play. People have probably heard me complain about a lot of Christian music before (And if you haven't, it'll be showing up in an entry at some point). Anyway, one thing that really bothers me is a recurring theme in so much of the music.

You are not worthless.

I hear a lot in Christian music how tarnished, broken, and generally worthless the singer thinks they are in God's eyes. They're deeply ashamed of sin, or have no value compared to God, they're unworthy of love, or they shouldn't be forgiven. All these things are true enough. There is no reason for us to get a big head over God's mercy, my complaints come from a lack of sense.

One main fact with being a Christian is that we are adopted into God's family, we are sons and daughters of God. This isn't the "red-headed stepchild" status, we are a part of the family and loved by God. That means we are valued members of the family, sharing in the wealth of the Father. We have worth. Our pitiful existences that we lived before being saved has been redeemed.

I hate to hear people always focusing on their shame. I see that as them looking for pity because of their old life. Whatever sin they had, they're still trying to use to gain some sympathy. I might be exaggerating things here (small chance) but I still think that focusing on past sins and failures isn't healthy. You can learn from your mistakes and move on.

Maybe I have an over inflated sense of self-worth, but I refuse to think of myself as dirt in God's sight. I know that He cares and that I am valued by God. Whatever I feel, however I sin, and whenever I fail, I know that God forgives me and that ultimately, that will outweigh any of my meager problems.

And if you're going to whine about me not putting in any verses in here, shut it. This is some musing, not a sermon.

Just something to chew on.

Circles of Life

Two decades, twenty years, two hundred forty months, 87,605 days, 2,102,520 hours, 126,151,200 minutes, or 7,569,072,000 seconds. However you look at it, I've been alive for a good stretch of time. There are lots of people older than me as well (obvious I know.) Life goes on for all of us, day after day, the same twenty-four hours for all of us. I've been thinking a lot about getting older and growing up, and I've come to at least one conclusion.

Life isn't too short.

I've heard a lot of people say that life is too short for this or that. Regret, waiting, or whatever, people seem to think that if they don't do it now, they never will. There is this overriding idea that opportunity will never come to you again, that a door or window will be shut and never be opened again. Life lived without taking every opportunity is a life wasted, or so they think.

I've only been alive for twenty years, that's not much compared to others, people who are more experienced than me. The older men in women that I know have lived their lives, had their experiences, and taken what opportunities they wanted. I have also had more chances to do things than those younger than me. I still feel, however, that the years I have lived have not been quick.

Life is bursting at the seems with opportunity. There is so much that I can do, so many chances to take. If life was so short, there would be so fewer opportunities for me to do anything. To think that I have missed an opportunity, that I will never be able to enjoy something like it again is ridiculous. I believe that if I "missed" something now, that I could have another chance later in life. It wouldn't be the exact situation, considering I will be older, possible a different man, but I will still have that chance.

I'm not advocating being lazy, or ignoring something exciting. Take every chance you get to enjoy yourself, and to learn about yourself. I am saying, however, not to stress or feel regret for something you didn't do. Maybe it's the idea that life goes in circles, that there will always be another chance to enjoy whatever life has to offer. Don't worry about missing out on life, there is always tomorrow and what it will bring.

I bet someone could make a really hope-filled love song with this idea...don't.

Just something to chew on.