Decisions for the Best

If you remember last week (which most of you should, unless there was an excess of alcohol which raises some new questions) you know that I wrote about some benefits of being negative. I stand behind what I have written, and I am still the pessimist you all know and love. However, this week I am going to talk about something that might seem the exact opposite. Hang on, this might be heavy.

You can be as happy as you choose to be.

Admittedly, this sounds pretty cliche. I bet there are some self-help books out there that have this on page one, line one. It sounds like it would be such an easy decision, so much so that it seems like to trivial a solution to our troubles. We need some cosmic solutions right? Not entirely. Let me talk a bit about me.

It was a few nights back, I was reading the Last Battle by C.S. Lewis (you'll remember that I am taking a seminar, unless, again, alcohol). It was while reading through Lewis' descriptions of Aslan's country that I really got excited. It was something amazing to visualize. I felt that I should get out of my chair and fly along with the eagle as everyone ran through the country. It was amazingly appealing and created such beautiful images in my mind. I knew that this was the kind of place that I wanted to go to in my time. It was such an inviting picture of heaven. When I closed the book, I realized something: I was genuinely happy. This wasn't just the wistful, wishful kind of happy that comes from daydreaming, it was the kind of joy. I looked at my life, and my problems and my hurt was not so great anymore. I decided then that I would be happy. No one had the right to take that from me. For as long as I wanted, I could be happy. This week has been an exercise in that. Everyday that I've woken up and gone out in the world, I've been happy. Going to class, attending chapel, eating with friends, watching movies, everything that I've done has been a part of my choice to be happy.

I feel I've said this a dozen times before, but life is hard. You'll fight with friends, people will judge you unfairly, distance will separate friends, and countless other hurts can rise up in your life. Often it can feel overwhelming. I know I've been up late at night, my mind racing with things that I could say or arguments that I could give. I still have trouble with that (though I've started listening to classical music through my head phones, it helps). Yet when I feel troubled, I know that God has more for me than whatever crap is going on now. Even if my whole life is rough, there is more to come after. I've taken comfort in that and I've started to choose to be happy. I keep praying, trying to turn over any anger or hurt to God.

Maybe you would like a couple of practical steps in this? I talk a big game, but there's definitely some things you can do other than just believe like life is a Disney movie. Here's a few things I do. One thing is a prayer life. I took my dad's idea and set some alarms on my watch for times I know I'll be awake. When they go off, I send up a short prayer, typically thanking God for whatever is going on right then. Pastor Craig from life church has a new series called Better. In it, he mentions that having a continual prayer life is a great way to live each day with God. These alarms are a step toward that. Another thing you can do is indulge a bit. I'm not talking excessive spending, but if there is something that caught your eye, think about letting yourself get it. I am not making any case that materialism brings happiness, but it can be a pick me up. Honestly, I bought Angry Birds for my Kindle. It's fun and enjoyable. A third thing is going out and doing something fun. Obvious I know. I went karaoking with friends at Buffalo Wild Wings. I can't sing all that hot, but it is a fun time. Spending it with friends and being ridiculous made it all the better. Spending time with friends, with people that care about you, is probably the best thing you can do.I know that I have solid friends in my dorm that care about who I am, and I care about them as well. With that, telling people you care about them is also great. It shows them your loyalty, and they often return in kind. Good communication, honest give and take, it's a foundation of strong relationships.

Happiness is a hard thing sometimes. It requires work and the mindset to stay with it. But when you convince yourself that the shallow nature of others isn't going to hurt you anymore, and you begin to value even more the people who prove they are your real friends, you can stay happy. Your choice becomes easier when you care for others, and have them care for you.

Listening to a bit of Frank Sinatra (like I'm doing while writing this) doesn't hurt either.

Just something to chew on.

The Necessity of Negative Thinking

I've been taking a seminar on C.S. Lewis and George MacDonald this January. Part of my assigned reading? The Chronicles of Narnia. One of my readings was The Silver Chair. In this book is one of the most entertaining characters, Puddleglum the Marsh-Wiggle. Puddleglum is the pessimistic and dower fellow that is always expressing the most depressing possibilities in any situation. In the book, his character is funny and his pessimism isn't to be taken seriously. In reality, however, there is something to be said for his attitude.

There is a need for negativity in thinking.

Dr. Norman Vincent Peale once wrote a book call "The Power of Positive Thinking." In it, he outlined the power over the human mind that thinking positively can have on people's outlooks. Dr. Peale is credited with originating  the phrase, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." For me, as one who likes eating lemons straight, I believe that there is plenty to be said about the other side of the coin.

Many that know me might call me a bit of a pessimist. There's a chance, slim though it may be, that I tend to look on the darker side of life. With this in mind, I think that this mentality has some benefits. To clarify one thing that I think is often misconstrued, I am not depressed. There is no perpetual state of sorrow that bothers me and makes me see things in a negative fashion, it's just the view I've developed.

On to some benefits. I feel that the need for negativity comes from often unrealistic hopes. Often, a dower view of a situation is needed to balance out the high hopes someone might have. When expectations are too high, judgement can become clouded with excitement and miss important details. Expecting things to be less than optimal keeps you grounded in reality and can let you see if something has a chance of going awry.

One of my main arguments for negativity is that it can be one of the simplest forms of optimism. For me, when I have expected the worst and something better has happened, it has meant more to me. I take more joy out of a success that I didn't expect. If I had assumed right away that whatever I attempted would work no problem, than I would only be reassuring my previous ideas, not surpassing expectations. And if what I endeavored to do failed, as I thought it could, then I am not surprised by the failing and can move on easier.

Does the whole world need my kind of pessimism? Yes. But since I know you all can't manage that (too many happy frickin' people) just keep me in mind. Don't be annoyed with those who might be raining on your parade. They might have some advice that you, in excitement, didn't think of. Every group needs at least one pessimist to keep people grounded and not get over excited. In the end, there is always going to be a need for negative thinking, and some of you could step up to fill that need.

Though you probably won't.

Just something to chew on.

Community Plunge...Into the Ground

Community is such a strong idea. It's a group that works and lives together to benefit each other, to hep each other, and to grow closer together. Communication is strong and relationships develop deeply. This is often our ideal setting. Many organizations and groups work hard to attain this idea. They set up events and situations that force people to work together and develop themselves. Colleges do this as well...or try to.

Taylor has failed at its "intentional community" goal.

This might isolate those of you readers who aren't Taylor students (which might be like 5 of you) but maybe you can take some of what I say to heart about your school. Taylor really emphasizes community. So much so that I pretty much consider the term "intentional community" a curse term. It's been drilled into my skull since the first day I stepped on campus. Taylor really wants to create in its students a unity and fellowship that should be unique to a Christian organization.

Here's the problem, they do very little to help with that community. Each dorm is really its own community, each major is sanctioned off, there are few chances to branch out and work in different areas of study. Despite their lofty claims, they do little to encourage it. Inter-mural sports are nothing special, dorm stereotypes persist despite all the talks and seminars they hold to get past them, and that individual sense continues.

Here's what it is, as mentioned above, Taylor does very little to facilitate a community. There are events, don't get me wrong. Silent Night and the Hollapalooza are both examples of Taylor events that draw crowds, but there's a problem. Despite the variety of people who arrived, individuals tend to stick with the friends they have from their dorm or from their major. The Professional Writers (at least some of them, myself not included) meet weekly for dinner. Sports players hang out together at practice and after. Groups and clubs keep to themselves. There is very little branching out among any groups.

The solution to this, at least on a small scale, is to make it easier to meet people of other majors. I am in PWR, and two classes I need to take are art classes, they are required by my major, yet I still have to ask for an override. It is so hard to get into different classes, classes that are nonessential and could be beneficial to other majors. Overrides are difficult to come by, and the circles we run in, at least academically are limited. One thing that administration could do is ease this process. Another thing would be more in need of volunteers, but could work. If there were more ways to set up small groups across dorms and majors, then in more personal settings, others could get to know each other. Heck, if we did more with open houses than just putting up signs saying we have a theme for this day, there might be more incentive to explore.

I don't know how to get around this. Essentially, you would be combating the clique mentality that we have all had for years. There is nothing wrong with this, but when you say your mission is to create a community, the administration needs to put work in. I wouldn't mind helping to create that community they want, where the entire campus is more than just superficial hellos when we see someone we might now from a class. That is what the administration is seeing incorrectly. Just because people say hello doesn't mean they are a community. They are polite, but maybe nothing more. Things can change, but they will take work from the top.

Admittedly, there are some weird people who I might not want to know too well.

Just something to chew on.