Human Trophies

Just so you know, this entry will not be about how to dip your enemies in gold and tastefully decorate your den with their solidified corpses (that comes next week). No, this is more of a social analysis. Arts and crafts and home decor have never been my strong suit, but criticizing people and the school that I go to sure are. I have noticed this topic is incredibly prevalent in Christian communities. It is something that I have been on the receiving end of and has caused me some strife.

Let's be clear, people are not achievements.

Now let's be more clear because that prior sentence may have made little sense. Let's say you know someone on campus that everyone knows. Every time you see them they waltz up to you say "Hi [Your Name]! How's your day?" To which you respond with one of the standard answers and then they leave you with their winning smile. Do you know what has just happened? Absolutely nothing. There was no substance there and there never will be. It's like someone gave some personality to a Speak and Spell and fed it the list of every student on campus.

These kind of people seem to think that just because they know everyone's names and have a freakishly sunny disposition that they are making friends. The number of people that they associate themselves with is indicative of their own worth. They blind themselves, thinking that they are being community minded and caring to everyone one, when in reality they have nothing but a shallow relationship with most of the people they come into contact with (and a surprisingly good memory for names).

What I'm getting at is something I feel I get at often. Mostly that people are shallow and cowardly, trying to satiate their own weaknesses through various levels of self-indulgence, but also that real relationships are not brought about by pretty words. They take care and time to listen to problems and praises and to share your own. I can think of a number of people at Taylor that are like this. They feed me the same greetings and don't care to get deeper. They know my name but God help us all if they know my dorm or major. These people are the ones with 3000 Facebook friends and add every single person they meet to their roster of names. The big numbers are supposed to impress others and make themselves feel better, but when someone like me sees the numbers it just seems like they have no concept of intimacy.

But the people as achievements idea can swing the exact opposite way. I also know a few people who try and know everything about people. They'll sit down with people for a few hours and ask all the deep probing questions you would expect from someone you've known for a while. Their attitude seems to be that once they know all these facts and theories, they are a part of that person's life. They are now important to them. That creates the same delusion as the other theory. Just because you know things doesn't mean you know people. They don't realize the information they have or the power that comes with it. Instead of turning back and investing in the people they skip on by with the illusion of genuine friendship. Look at it like any school test, knowing a bunch of random facts is nice, but if you can't apply any theories on the test you are bound to fail.

Invest in people. That's the basic idea. Don't have a surface relationship and don't expect that all your deep questions mean you understand the person. I have seen both ends and felt betrayed by both sides. Each side pretends to care while lying to you and themselves. I might sound harsh, and maybe I am, but it these kinds of fake friendships bother me. It is even worse in our Christian "communities." When these people try and influence lives, it becomes hypocrisy. They might not intend it to be, but their dishonesty in relationships do nothing to encourage their message.

Except Cody Allen Rushing. If you're reading this, you are the exception.

Just something to chew on.

Showing Care

I've been meaning to write this one for a little while now, basically since I left Taylor and flew out here to Ireland. It's been on my mind for a long time, something that I've tried to deal with and something that has been at the back of my mind for a while. My own personal struggles have highlighted it, and I've seen God work with it. Everyone needs to recognize this for the people in their lives:

It means a lot to know people care.

The inspiration for this update came about with my preparing to leave Swallow. I love my dorm and I feel like I am a part of it. Apparently, so did most of my friends. Before I left, they got together and threw a surprise-going away party for me. All my friends who were there for J-term showed up to hang out, talk, have pizza, and play games. It wasn't just my dorm mates, friends from off campus came as well. Everyone was barefoot and wore hats, like I am so known to do. It was kind of corny, but it was a great gesture. Being able to see everyone and talk with them and to know they were gathered there because they cared about me was thrilling.

Know, as kind and caring of a gesture as this was, what made it so incredibly impactful for me? It was a kind of answer to prayer. I'll make no secret of this, I have often felt out of place wherever I go. It isn't the fault of anyone, I just feel like my personality is different than people are used to. I was dealing with this for a while this last semester and into J-term. I spent a number of nights talking with God about it, asking Him to help me find where I fit. Seeing what my friends went through for me, that they took the time to organize something for me really showed me how much people actually care. God answered my prayers through these people.

The main point of this tale is this; we want to feel appreciated. It is hard to go through life with the feeling of being alone. Loneliness isn't just not being around people, it can be about being with people and not feeling like you belong. There is a desire to connect and know that the connection means something. The easiest way to do this seems to be just saying it. Just to tell someone that you appreciate them and that they matter to you can do wonders in a persons life. We shouldn't be afraid of showing each other that kindness and making sure they know that they matter.

I hope that anyone from Swallow and from Taylor who reads this will know that I appreciate what was done for me. Everyone of you means a lot to me. Taylor and the friends I have found in and around Swallow have become a second family for me. Every personality and unique character that I know has shaped my college life and impacted me in countless ways. I want to thank all of you back home. I miss you guys, and as much as I love being here in Ireland, I'm looking forward to coming back and seeing you all again.

And when I get back, there will be a whole new batch of freshman to torment.

Just something to chew on.

Jesus Dinner

I love food. Food is awesome. And for my family, meals are important. We had family dinner basically everyday when I was growing up, and we still do when I get back. My parents are hosting dessert nights to get to know people in our new church. I can't count the number of times that we had people during holidays, special occasions, and even just random days over for a nice meal and chatting afterwards. I suppose by now you've picked up a theme, meals are a great way to connect with people. Now, I'm going to take this to a slightly different place.


Why isn't every meal the "Lord's Supper?"

And out of the spiritual left field we have this odd question. This thought crossed my mind when I was in church last Sunday during communion. The passage we always here mentions "For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes." And communion is always a specific event, usually taken at church. There's prayer and repentance and traditions about how it is taken. Now there's nothing wrong with that, but why is it just these same ideas everywhere?

My family might be the poster family for dinners as socializing and being a part of each others lives. What if we applied that idea to the Lord's Supper? Every meal would not just be the daily catching up, but an invitation to have God come into our conversations and fellowship. It wouldn't be about turning every dinner into a deep theological discussion or time of confession, but a remembrance of what God has done, something to keep in mind as a family reconnected.

What I'm saying is probably not that new. I have heard about people who even set an extra place symbolizing God at the table with them. What I would like to see, however, is a change from a traditional view of communion. Let's not make it a stoic ritual we do whenever the pastor decides to spill the grape juice, but a continual reminder, in daily lives and at churches, of what God has done for us.

Plus it would finally give some meaning to all those church potlucks.

Just something to chew on.

Onward for Great Justice

You'll forgive me for not updating last week (though most of you don't actually know this is weekly). What with travel time and jet lag, it can be understood that I would miss a week. I suppose that is the problem with writing these on Friday/Saturday, most travel will usually take place in these times. So I might be at 51 updates this year. Not a crime. For those of you who don't know, I am studying abroad in Ireland this semester. I'll be getting my fill of Irish food, music, and culture until sometime in May. I've only been here a week, and already I've found something that I really enjoy.

I love exploring new towns.

Out here we have a card that gives us basically unlimited access to the train that runs from Greystones, where we are, through Dublin and beyond. In reality it is't a wide circuit, but there are many stops along the way. Each stop is its own town with its own shops and buildings. I have only had a few opportunities thus far to go out on my own, but I have enjoyed it immensely.

The thrill of exploration is the discovery of what is new. I have walked along cobble streets, past old buildings, and down tight alleys in this European land. I have been able to find various coffee shops, clothing stores, and book outlets hidden away among the tightly packed buildings. Each place seems unique, with its own charm and mystery. There may be some romantic notions behind strolling through foreign cities, but at the very least, it is fascinating to wander through the streets of a place you've never been to and find what it has to offer.

There is something to be said for the spirit of discovery. It might seem silly to journey to places you don't know, to travel to lands unfamiliar and see what there is. What kind of longing could have possesses a group of people to travel by boat from their home in one part of the world, across an unknown ocean, to another land? It would seem like suicide. But I can understand now, a little more anyway. There is a thrill into entering strange lands and learning what it has to offer. For me, it was old bookstores, not all that grand, but for others, there was life and freedom in the new lands. The excitement of discovery that I had must have been so much more to those who found new homes.

I hope that this kind of experience is something many others can get a hold of. The thrill itself is satisfying enough, but when you feel the rush of discovery for yourself, it adds a whole new perspective on history. Call it a connection with the past, however slight it might be. Finding an old bookstore in a pretty town might not be the same as finding a new home in an untamed country, but it's something that gives you a perspective on the history of your own home.

Just don't get lost, else you might end up feeling more like the Donner party.

Just something to chew on.

Decisions for the Best

If you remember last week (which most of you should, unless there was an excess of alcohol which raises some new questions) you know that I wrote about some benefits of being negative. I stand behind what I have written, and I am still the pessimist you all know and love. However, this week I am going to talk about something that might seem the exact opposite. Hang on, this might be heavy.

You can be as happy as you choose to be.

Admittedly, this sounds pretty cliche. I bet there are some self-help books out there that have this on page one, line one. It sounds like it would be such an easy decision, so much so that it seems like to trivial a solution to our troubles. We need some cosmic solutions right? Not entirely. Let me talk a bit about me.

It was a few nights back, I was reading the Last Battle by C.S. Lewis (you'll remember that I am taking a seminar, unless, again, alcohol). It was while reading through Lewis' descriptions of Aslan's country that I really got excited. It was something amazing to visualize. I felt that I should get out of my chair and fly along with the eagle as everyone ran through the country. It was amazingly appealing and created such beautiful images in my mind. I knew that this was the kind of place that I wanted to go to in my time. It was such an inviting picture of heaven. When I closed the book, I realized something: I was genuinely happy. This wasn't just the wistful, wishful kind of happy that comes from daydreaming, it was the kind of joy. I looked at my life, and my problems and my hurt was not so great anymore. I decided then that I would be happy. No one had the right to take that from me. For as long as I wanted, I could be happy. This week has been an exercise in that. Everyday that I've woken up and gone out in the world, I've been happy. Going to class, attending chapel, eating with friends, watching movies, everything that I've done has been a part of my choice to be happy.

I feel I've said this a dozen times before, but life is hard. You'll fight with friends, people will judge you unfairly, distance will separate friends, and countless other hurts can rise up in your life. Often it can feel overwhelming. I know I've been up late at night, my mind racing with things that I could say or arguments that I could give. I still have trouble with that (though I've started listening to classical music through my head phones, it helps). Yet when I feel troubled, I know that God has more for me than whatever crap is going on now. Even if my whole life is rough, there is more to come after. I've taken comfort in that and I've started to choose to be happy. I keep praying, trying to turn over any anger or hurt to God.

Maybe you would like a couple of practical steps in this? I talk a big game, but there's definitely some things you can do other than just believe like life is a Disney movie. Here's a few things I do. One thing is a prayer life. I took my dad's idea and set some alarms on my watch for times I know I'll be awake. When they go off, I send up a short prayer, typically thanking God for whatever is going on right then. Pastor Craig from life church has a new series called Better. In it, he mentions that having a continual prayer life is a great way to live each day with God. These alarms are a step toward that. Another thing you can do is indulge a bit. I'm not talking excessive spending, but if there is something that caught your eye, think about letting yourself get it. I am not making any case that materialism brings happiness, but it can be a pick me up. Honestly, I bought Angry Birds for my Kindle. It's fun and enjoyable. A third thing is going out and doing something fun. Obvious I know. I went karaoking with friends at Buffalo Wild Wings. I can't sing all that hot, but it is a fun time. Spending it with friends and being ridiculous made it all the better. Spending time with friends, with people that care about you, is probably the best thing you can do.I know that I have solid friends in my dorm that care about who I am, and I care about them as well. With that, telling people you care about them is also great. It shows them your loyalty, and they often return in kind. Good communication, honest give and take, it's a foundation of strong relationships.

Happiness is a hard thing sometimes. It requires work and the mindset to stay with it. But when you convince yourself that the shallow nature of others isn't going to hurt you anymore, and you begin to value even more the people who prove they are your real friends, you can stay happy. Your choice becomes easier when you care for others, and have them care for you.

Listening to a bit of Frank Sinatra (like I'm doing while writing this) doesn't hurt either.

Just something to chew on.

The Necessity of Negative Thinking

I've been taking a seminar on C.S. Lewis and George MacDonald this January. Part of my assigned reading? The Chronicles of Narnia. One of my readings was The Silver Chair. In this book is one of the most entertaining characters, Puddleglum the Marsh-Wiggle. Puddleglum is the pessimistic and dower fellow that is always expressing the most depressing possibilities in any situation. In the book, his character is funny and his pessimism isn't to be taken seriously. In reality, however, there is something to be said for his attitude.

There is a need for negativity in thinking.

Dr. Norman Vincent Peale once wrote a book call "The Power of Positive Thinking." In it, he outlined the power over the human mind that thinking positively can have on people's outlooks. Dr. Peale is credited with originating  the phrase, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." For me, as one who likes eating lemons straight, I believe that there is plenty to be said about the other side of the coin.

Many that know me might call me a bit of a pessimist. There's a chance, slim though it may be, that I tend to look on the darker side of life. With this in mind, I think that this mentality has some benefits. To clarify one thing that I think is often misconstrued, I am not depressed. There is no perpetual state of sorrow that bothers me and makes me see things in a negative fashion, it's just the view I've developed.

On to some benefits. I feel that the need for negativity comes from often unrealistic hopes. Often, a dower view of a situation is needed to balance out the high hopes someone might have. When expectations are too high, judgement can become clouded with excitement and miss important details. Expecting things to be less than optimal keeps you grounded in reality and can let you see if something has a chance of going awry.

One of my main arguments for negativity is that it can be one of the simplest forms of optimism. For me, when I have expected the worst and something better has happened, it has meant more to me. I take more joy out of a success that I didn't expect. If I had assumed right away that whatever I attempted would work no problem, than I would only be reassuring my previous ideas, not surpassing expectations. And if what I endeavored to do failed, as I thought it could, then I am not surprised by the failing and can move on easier.

Does the whole world need my kind of pessimism? Yes. But since I know you all can't manage that (too many happy frickin' people) just keep me in mind. Don't be annoyed with those who might be raining on your parade. They might have some advice that you, in excitement, didn't think of. Every group needs at least one pessimist to keep people grounded and not get over excited. In the end, there is always going to be a need for negative thinking, and some of you could step up to fill that need.

Though you probably won't.

Just something to chew on.

Community Plunge...Into the Ground

Community is such a strong idea. It's a group that works and lives together to benefit each other, to hep each other, and to grow closer together. Communication is strong and relationships develop deeply. This is often our ideal setting. Many organizations and groups work hard to attain this idea. They set up events and situations that force people to work together and develop themselves. Colleges do this as well...or try to.

Taylor has failed at its "intentional community" goal.

This might isolate those of you readers who aren't Taylor students (which might be like 5 of you) but maybe you can take some of what I say to heart about your school. Taylor really emphasizes community. So much so that I pretty much consider the term "intentional community" a curse term. It's been drilled into my skull since the first day I stepped on campus. Taylor really wants to create in its students a unity and fellowship that should be unique to a Christian organization.

Here's the problem, they do very little to help with that community. Each dorm is really its own community, each major is sanctioned off, there are few chances to branch out and work in different areas of study. Despite their lofty claims, they do little to encourage it. Inter-mural sports are nothing special, dorm stereotypes persist despite all the talks and seminars they hold to get past them, and that individual sense continues.

Here's what it is, as mentioned above, Taylor does very little to facilitate a community. There are events, don't get me wrong. Silent Night and the Hollapalooza are both examples of Taylor events that draw crowds, but there's a problem. Despite the variety of people who arrived, individuals tend to stick with the friends they have from their dorm or from their major. The Professional Writers (at least some of them, myself not included) meet weekly for dinner. Sports players hang out together at practice and after. Groups and clubs keep to themselves. There is very little branching out among any groups.

The solution to this, at least on a small scale, is to make it easier to meet people of other majors. I am in PWR, and two classes I need to take are art classes, they are required by my major, yet I still have to ask for an override. It is so hard to get into different classes, classes that are nonessential and could be beneficial to other majors. Overrides are difficult to come by, and the circles we run in, at least academically are limited. One thing that administration could do is ease this process. Another thing would be more in need of volunteers, but could work. If there were more ways to set up small groups across dorms and majors, then in more personal settings, others could get to know each other. Heck, if we did more with open houses than just putting up signs saying we have a theme for this day, there might be more incentive to explore.

I don't know how to get around this. Essentially, you would be combating the clique mentality that we have all had for years. There is nothing wrong with this, but when you say your mission is to create a community, the administration needs to put work in. I wouldn't mind helping to create that community they want, where the entire campus is more than just superficial hellos when we see someone we might now from a class. That is what the administration is seeing incorrectly. Just because people say hello doesn't mean they are a community. They are polite, but maybe nothing more. Things can change, but they will take work from the top.

Admittedly, there are some weird people who I might not want to know too well.

Just something to chew on.