I enjoy answering questions. There is a lot that your answer to any question can tell about your own character. When I have stayed up late with friends, we often cover deeper ideas, ask more probing questions. I learn about them with their answers, but I also learn about myself. I have often had to think hard and talk my way through vague ideas that i have had. I have come away with more solid understandings of who I am. With that, there is something that needs to be known.
We need others to ask us what's wrong.
This might seem fairly straight forward, but let me build this up a bit. At Taylor, it often feels like the only relationship some people have with one another is in passing. You know each others' names, and can say hi when you walk past each other. Typically, one of you will ask how the other is. Polite society (ie society that doesn't really care) dictates that the proper response is "fine" or something like "it's been better." Non-committal either way, and leaves the either side feeling like they've made a daily connection. I'm guilty of this myself, but I try not to be. For whatever it's worth, I try not to give that same answer that everyone expects.
So, what I mean is that when we ask, we honestly need to care. I know that if there is something troubling us in life, it is hard to just tell someone. It is never easy to just go up to a friend and say, "Hey, this is bothering me..." and go into a night long explanation of your troubles. It's not that you don't think your friend will care, but it's that you want to be sure. I could find someone to unload my problems onto, and they might think that it isn't important. Yet, if someone asks me, I can at least assume they care enough to let me say my piece. People that I have let into that more personal side have asked me what was wrong, and I trust them more for it.
I don't believe that you need to have a heart to heart with everyone that you come into contact with. Frankly, when I think about the number of people I know and would say hello to on a regular basis, if I had a deep conversation with each of them, I would never get anything done. What I do think, is that when we have people that we care about, people's whose well being is important to us, we shouldn't just be satisfied with one word answers. I try to ask people and care about their responses, but I think that I get boxed into the routine responses as well because no one expects anything different. There isn't much I can do if the only answer I get is "fine." I want others to be able to tell me what's wrong, as much as I need to tell them my problems.
It all boils down, I think, to the need to care about people. I realize that this may sound odd coming from me, but it's a general truth. We go about with so many superficial relationships and feel that because we say hi and know someone's name, that we're interacting with them deeply. As a society, we need to step it up, there is a difference between being friendly and committing to people. Let's move past the point of face-value relationships and into a deeper understanding.
But let's be honest, some problems should only be dealt with between guys, and some only between girls.
Just something to chew on.
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