Second Fiddle

Be forewarned, this might sound a little depressing. It'll give you a little insight into who I am I suppose, but don't worry too much. This time around, I'm taking another look at choices. We're faced with tons of choices everyday: big and small, important and minor, voluntary or mandatory. As far as we know, the only thing that matters in the end, is the choice we did make. The other option matters little. At least, that's the accepted idea.

There is a theory, however, that says every choice we makes creates an alternate reality.

That's a crazy thought. Just imagine with me, what these other worlds could be like. Who might you be? More importantly, who might I be? I often think about how my life would be different if I had made one choice or another. I might be at a different school, I might not be a writing major, I might be dating someone, I might be engaged, I might be a father already. There's a lot of things that could be different. It takes a brain power far beyond mine to think about all the decisions I've ever made, and what could be had I chosen differently.

I've often thought about what I would be like if I wasn't a Christian. That scares me. I think that I would be a really terrible person if I wasn't part of God's family. My life is built around a morality that is bible based. Pretty logical for a pastor's son right? If I hadn't had those basics, I would have made some really stupid choices. I probably would have smoked pot in high school, or gone out with one of the girls that were so "active." How I talk, how I dress, how I interact with people, all those would be drastically different.

I started thinking about this after hearing someone made a comment about talking to your second choice person. That idea phrasing bothered me. For a long time, I've felt that I was always someones second choice, that there was always someone else that the person I was hanging out with would rather be with. That got me to thinking about how my life would have been shaped if they had decided to leave me alone for someone else. Or if they had decided to hang with me instead of some else.

I guess what this ( and ever other post about choice) is saying, is that I'm glad my life has had the experiences it has. As much as I think about what these other realities might be like, how I could be, I don't have to worry about them. I am who I am, and no amount of speculation is going to change that. I still wonder about the ties that I have been that second choice, when people have left me for someone else. It bothers me sometimes, but I think that I can look back in life and eventually see that it was for the best. I want to never feel regret for the choices I've made.

Now if only I could decide when to go to bed.

Just something to chew on.